#kuroo incorrect quotes
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fattuccini-afraido · 22 days ago
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Kuroo: "Can you behave?" Yes, but this is so much funnier.
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amezure · 1 year ago
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Support me on PATREON 🐔💤
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haikyuu-tmblr · 6 months ago
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Tsukishima: What’s wrong with Bokuto? He’s been laying on the floor for 30 minutes. Kuroo: He’s a little overwhelmed right now. Tsukishima: Do I even want to know why? Kuroo: Akaashi smiled at him.
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mae-gi-writes · 5 days ago
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let it be me | kuroo tetsurou (1)
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In which you, as a new divorcée, can't help but crush on your 4-year-old's new PE Coach.
genre: singleparent!reader x coach! Kuroo, fluff, acquaintances-to-lovers
---- part one | next part >>>
You know Kuroo Tetsurou before you officially meet him.
Why? Because he's practically a legend to your current four-year-old who's been talking about him nonstop from the moment you've strapped her into the car on the way back home.
"Apparently he was a--a volleyball champ!" Sakura chimes from the back as you swerve into the right lane in the direction of your tiny flat, "he knows how to serve from faaaar away, and --and when he serves, it's like--kapow! and boom! and whoosh! like that!"
You can't help but laugh because seeing your daughter so excited about volleyball is something you hadn't been expecting, not when you have two left feet and a stamina of a tiny pet rat.
"I'm glad you enjoyed your first week back," you meet her eyes in the rearview mirror with a smile, "that's good isn't it? Better than last year then?"
"Yes! I love Kuroo sensei!"
It seems that this particular teacher has specifically changed Sakura's view on school, and you had made a mental note to thank him.
But all thoughts of thank-yous and praise had flown out of your head the moment you bump into the said PE teacher in the corridor leading up to Sakura's class the next morning.
"Oh I'm so sorry!" You cry out, bending down to help him pick up the stack of papers that are now flying about and scattering at your feet, "here, let me help you--"
"It's Kuroo sensei!" Sakura chirps suddenly, causing your eyes to snap up at him.
Oh. So that's the PE teacher she's been gushing about all week. You're quick to shove the papers into a messy pile before handing them out to him, "I'm really sorry about that," you say sheepishly.
"Nothing to worry about," his deep voice is what catches your attention at first, followed by his height as he straightens up so that you get a clear view of his facce; angular features, honey-golden eyes that blink slowly at you in a way that makes you want to squirm, and messy dark raven locks that looks like he's just rolled out of bed five minutes ago.
Not that you won't mind if he rolled out of your bed, you mind chanted without warning.
You stop it as soon as it surfaces, horror and panic crashing into you at the same time. This man is--what? Probably half your age?
"Kuroo sensei! Do we have class with you later?" Sakura, unknowing of all the tormenting thoughts flickering past your brain, seems all too excited to see her PE teacher.
He chuckles lightly before ruffling her short bangs, "not today, little munchkin," he leans down to see her face, "but I'm pretty certain that we have class tomorrow. How about that?"
"Oh really? Yay!" Sakura claps, beaming up at him like he's just put a new sun in her sky, and Kuroo grins before straightening up once more, gold eyes clashing against your dark maroon.
"I don't think we've met," his voice, it's so deep and gravelly that it makes you want to swoon. You snap out of it the moment you spot his outstretched hand, "I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, the new PE teacher."
"So you're the new teacher that Sakura's been talking about all this time," you send him a shy smile as you shake his hand, realizing that his palm practically dwarfs yours in comparison, "it's nice to meet you. I'm Sakura's mum. How are you enjoying the school?"
"It's been really great actually," his grin widens. He has a beautiful smile, one that will easily make all the ladies of staff fall at his feet, "I'm slowly finding my way around the timetable, but other than that it's been smooth-sailing till now."
You nod, "that's great. I'm glad to hear," and then turn to your daughter, "you know where your class is right?"
"Of course I know mum," Sakura folds her arms across her chest indignantly.
You laugh, ruffling her hair before ushering her onwards, "alright alright. Yes, you're a big now. Then off you go."
You both watch her teeter down the hall, sometimes almost falling off-balance due to her newly-acquired skill of running with the weight of her bag around her shoulders, and fondness explodes across your chest. It's sweet and bitter at the same time, watching your daughter grow day by day. She's always changing, you realize, every day is a new one, maybe her hair gets longer, or you find a new mole along her face. It's like she's growing so fast you barely have time to savour it.
"Cute kid you have there."
You realize you're not alone upon hearing the familiar scratchy alto, and quickly blink back to reality, "ah--thank you. She can be a handful when she wants. Sometimes."
"All kids are," Kuroo tilts his head towards you, a smile on his face, "but sometimes I think they know more than we do."
You can't help but chortle, "definitely. Sakura's practically a know-it-all. She's in the phase of correcting everything that I say."
"Ooh, a bit bossy huh?"
"Tell me about it."
It's then that the bell rings, disrupting any kind of moment you might have with the PE teacher.
"Anyway," you dip your head into a small bow, "thank you for taking care of Sakura."
"It's really no trouble, miss...?"
"It's Y/N. Y/N Kosuke."
"Y/N," his golden orbs locks on yours, swirling with a kind of playfulness, with a warmth that makes your heart stutter, "well, I shall see you around, Ms. Kosuke-san."
And with that, he swerves away with a small wave as you watch his broad back disappear down the hallway, wondering whether it's stupid to imagine whether he'd winked at you or not.
Probably not.
Because why would anyone be interested in a mom right?
-----
The second time you bump into Kuroo Tetsurou is during Sports Day.
You remember back when you were in high school, how you'd always find an excuse to skip out on the activities -- feigning your period or cramps just to get to the nurse's office and away from your classmates -- just so that you could sit and daydream about anything and just about everything. You weren't that popular in your cohort, making it easy for you to disappear whenever you wished. But despite that, you could count on your hands the number of times you'd replaced someone and failed to deliver, causing wave after wave of disappointment as you lost team points as a result.
But now, as a grown up responsible for a child and always accustomed to doing whatever they liked even if that meant bringing you unhappiness or shame, you were obliged to attend such events. Actually enjoyed being there and watching Sakura giving it her all despite her short limbs and her lack of talent in sports. From what you can see, she clearly hasn't taken from her dad's side. Every single flaw in physical movement comes down from your side of the family and at the thought, a smile curves at the edges of your lips as you proceed to clap even harder.
"Is Papa going to be there tomorrow?" asks your daughter the night before as you're tucking her into bed. Her wide eyes are staring up at you like you're the one who can change anything in her world. And yet, just the thought that you can't grant her this one wish makes your heart quake.
You press a soft kiss along her forehead before smoothing over her features, "i'm sorry honey. I'm not sure if he'll be able to come tomorrow."
"Why not?"
"He has work to do. But he promises to be there this weekend," you try to smile, though it's hard when Sakura's face doesn't light up like it usually does at the mention of her father. That's when you prod, "everything okay, Sakura?"
Your daughter merely turns away to hide her face against her pillow. Her mumble comes out soft and practically a whisper. But you can still hear her loud and clear.
"Why doesn't he ever come?"
Your heart drops to your stomach. You move to hug her, in hopes of appeasing the pain she feels. But she's right, you can't do anything about it. About this. It's a selfish act, the act of divorcing the one whom you thought would've been your lifelong partner till the day you die. And yet, you hadn't been strong enough for her sake.
And Sakura's the one victim to all consequences that follow.
Because how can you tell her? That her father has decided to choose someone else -- another woman, instead of staying by his family and taking on his responsibilities as he should? How could you tell her that her own father has abandoned her?
Sakura isn't stupid. She's well aware of everything that happens around her. But such words coming out of her own mouth causes your own eyes to burn with tears.
"Papa loves you. He's just--busy with work. But you know that he loves you so so much right?" you hope that your murmur is enough to appease her.
And it does, for now.
Sakura snuggles closer to your bosom, small fingers gripping your t-shirt as though she doesn't want you to leave, "will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" she murmurs through closed eyelids.
You nod, smooth one hand over her forehead, "yeah. Sleep now, okay? Tomorrow's a big day."
Hence the reason why you're here. Burning under the midday sun. Hat poised over your head, and a piece of stray paper from your office that you're using as a makeshift fan.
Until now, it's proven itself useless in response to the heat.
"Come on, Greens!"
That familiar alto. Raspy and velvet like chocolate. It makes your eyes swipe right to the source only to see none other than the PE coach.
Kuroo Tetsurou is bathed in sweat as he stands by the sidelines, cap over his messy hair and eyes never straying from the row of students balancing potatoes across their tiny spoons. His t-shirt is practically soaked through from the back, showing off his array of muscles twisting and twining like vines around a bark of a tree, and when he crosses his arms over his chest you take note of the swell of his biceps. Taunting, tantalizing.
He's a catch, is what your mind thinks.
You shut it down immediately. What's the point of daydreaming when you're not ready to commit to anything? Not even a fling?
No. You'd much rather stay alone. You know exactly how it feels like to be loved and to lose that love by someone whom you thought had your heart as much as you had his. And you weren't in a rush to fall into that trap once again.
It's finally Sakura's turn and almost subconsciously, you straighten up in the bleachers to get a better look at your daughter all decked in Blue. She's holding out her spoon, tongue sticking out in concentration just as a teacher places a potato right in the middle of it.
Catching your eye from where you sit, she gives you a wide beam, all teeth, and you grin back, doing a silly little wriggle of your fingers. You do the mistake of glancing back towards your right only to meet the PE coach's eyes by mistake.
He grins a Cheshire cat smile, as if he knows that he's been caught but he doesn't care, and your own smile turns shy, ducking your head and soon averting your eyes.
The whistle sounds. The race is on.
"C'mon Sakura!" You yell as loud as you can, watching your daughter waddle in what you hope is a straight line. She's second at this point, trying hard not to lose her potato as her classmate -- a red -- blunders right through without hesitation, "C'mon Sakura! You can do it!"
Your daughter all but wobbles, lips parted in concentration as another boy zooms past. You cup your lips using your hands and shout with all your might, "C'mon Sakura! Faster!"
She finishes in third place, not a bad start for her sports confidence, and comes running straight up to you so that you pick her up with a whoop.
"That's my girl!" You nuzzle into her sweaty hair, "aren't you a big champ?!"
"Did you see mum?! I'm third!" she flaps her arms around, "I'm third! Will I get a medal?!"
"You sure will," you pinch her cheek, "and you did great! I didn't know you were good at balancing potatoes!"
"Next time I'll come in first!"
"Then we'll have to practice at home," you chuckle.
It isn't until the end of the Sports day that Kuroo Tetsurou finds you amidst the horde of parents making their way to the parking lot.
"Hey," he calls out to you as you're opening your trunk. You wave at him, slightly embarrassed as you recall the way he'd locked eyes with you briefly on the field. You strive for nonchalance as you say, "how's it going, coach?"
"Not bad, how about you?" he walks straight up to the car, waving at Sakura from the backseat before turning his attention back on you. You and the multiple bags you're organizing, "what's this?"
"Oh it's for an event," you huff out and pull a bag up into the trunk.
"Here," Kuroo's hand reaches for the next one, "let me help."
"Oh--uhm--" you weren't expecting such chivalry. Heat rises to the back of your neck and you're glad it's a hot summer's day, for you're quite certain your cheeks are flaming, "thank you."
"No problem," he sets the last bag into the trunk, pushing it all the way so that it's secure, "what kind of event is it anyway?"
"It's a corporate event," you explain as he closes the trunk for you, "I'm an event planner."
Something lights up in his golden pupils. He whistles, "haven't heard of that one before," a small smile curves at his lips, "what's the weirdest event you'd had to plan?"
"Oh don't get me started on that," you shudder, "I once had a themed birthday party, but they wanted their party to be set in changing rooms, with the theme 'haunted toilets'."
"Wha--no way," Kuroo bursts out laughing. He has a very nice smile, and a laugh that is contagious. You can't help but grin at him, "is that even legal?"
"Well if they pay you to hire your changing rooms, wouldn't you do it?"
“I suppose so,” you snort, “as long as they pay me.”
He chuckles once more, the sound rumbling through his chest and almost making you swoon. God, he's attractive, even more so when he's all sweaty for some unknown reason.
You hurriedly try to end conversation when you feel your tummy tingle with those familiar butterflies, "well--It was nice meeting you again, Coach."
"Likewise," he tips his head towards you, "and I think you've got yourself a pro athlete back there."
That makes you chortle, "I'm not quite sure, Sakura's been graced with my lack of coordination."
"I wouldn't say so. She came in third, didn't she?"
"You're right," a small smile curves at your lips, "well anyway, thank you. For everything. You're probably exhausted."
"I am, but you're good company," he grins.
Butterflies erupt through your chest and you know without a doubt that this is your cue to leave, and quickly bow to him, "thanks again Coach, see you around."
"See you," a pause, before he adds, "get home safe."
These are simple words, won't that do't matter as much and can be said oh-so-politely. But still, it makes your heart beat so fast you feel it echoing through your chest. You try not to show him your blush as you slide into the driver's seat and watch him raise a hand in mid-wave as you pull out of the parking lot. Sakura waves back with as much excitement and you wonder briefly whether she likes him so much because of the lack of father figure in your household.
Your phone rings then and you scramble for it from the passenger seat, barely able to press down on the green button as you keep your eyes on the road.
"Hello," you place it on loudspeaker and drop it to your lap as you make a turn for the motorway, "hello?"
"Hey, it's me."
Oh.
"Papa!" Sakura's exclamation comes from the back, almost makes you skid off the road as you quickly right yourself with a silent curse. Why in the world is he calling now? It's almost like he knows you were having a good time.
"Aoi," your mumble spills out, "how are you?"
"Good, good." a small pause. "how was sports day?"
"Was great, you missed Sakura in her potato-run," you try not to let the bitterness affect your tone, though it's harder to manage than expected, "how was Cali?"
"Very nice actually, Sakura would've loved it. It's warm, with beaches, and people are always doing stuff. It's a nice city."
Of course it's nice when his new wife owns a mansion and no fees are to be paid for the household. Especially nice when his new wife's family has a multi-national jewelry business and a cash flow that seems neverending.
So you cut to the chase, "why'd you call?"
"Jeez y/n," he laughs, "so brutal. Can't I even ask you how you've been?"
"I've been well, so has Sakura," your patience is running thin, "so tell me, why'd you call? Isn't it like midnight over there?"
"Actually it's still morning," there's amusement in his tone, the kind that makes you want to hurl something at him, "but anyway, I was calling to let you know about the papers."
He doesn't have to mention which papers. You know exactly what he's talking about, "what about them?"
"I've already signed them and sent them your way. You should be receiving them by the end of the week."
"Yes, and?"
There's a bout of hesitation from his side, "and I'd appreciate it if you could sign it as quickly as possible."
Another needle to your gut, "that's fine but...why the rush?"
"Ah well," you don't have to see him to know that he's currently scratching the back of his neck, a nervous tick of his whenever he's unsure or nervous. You hate that you know that about him, "we're--we might be getting married in a few months."
You're so shocked you almost barrel straight into the vehicle in front of you.
-----
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tendou-satori-chocolatier · 9 months ago
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Kuroo: I was out shopping today and a girl looks at me and says "oh yeah, I need to buy a hairbrush." always happy to help
Hinata: when we were shopping, kageyama looked at me, snapped his fingers and said "I need to get shrimp!"
Tsukishima: that's not as bad as yamaguchi looking at you and gasping "salt!" as he runs to aisle 25 when you're just trying to buy bread
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incorrectkuroken · 11 months ago
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Kenma: I think I’m coming down with something. I’ve been so nauseous lately. Kuroo, seriously: Maybe you’re pregnant. [they sit there in silence for a moment] Kenma: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot. You for suggesting that, or me because I almost had a panic attack.
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hitoshi-yuuto · 4 months ago
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Captain squad
Kuroo : From now on we will be using code names.
Kuroo : You can address me as Eagle One.
Kuroo : Daichi is "been there done that" .
Kuroo : Bokuto is "currently doing that".
Kuroo : Ushijima is "it happened once in a dream".
Kuroo : Oikawa is "if I had to pick a dude/gal/enby".
Kuroo : And Kita is..
Kuroo : Eagle Two
Kita : Oh thank god.
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glitterhearth · 5 months ago
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kenma: i'd hate to be snow white
bokuto: yeah! someone who's supposed to protect her tries to kill her! it's so sad! and over something as superficial as beauty! which an object decides!
kuroo: plus she eats an apple a random person in the middle of nowhere gives her and is poisoned
kenma:
kenma: no i was talking about how even after she escaped to the woods she ended up having to interact with seven other people in a tiny cabin.
kenma: that's like,, introvert hell when you least expect it.
bokuto:
kuroo:
akaashi: he's got a point
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kozukenbsf · 2 years ago
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little kuroken is so adorable
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fos-tis-zois · 6 months ago
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Kenma: It's so frustrating Kuroo: What is?? Kenma: Watching Akaashi openly flirt with Bokuto and Bokuto has still not realized?! Kuroo (wearing a "Date me Kenma" shirt): Haha, yeah that's-
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amezure · 1 year ago
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Support me on PATREON | Ko-fi 🐮
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northescere · 6 months ago
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haikyuu!! as things my friends and I have said: part 3
part 1, part 2
I’m coming to realise that the interactions between my friends and I are very shiratorizawa coded.
Anyways dirty jokes ahead don’t read if you aren’t comfy with it
——
Tendou: So I was watching a show about the lift on the cannibalism ban in Thailand—
Ushiwaka, mildly horrified: Cannibalism?
Tendou: WAIT NO I MEANT CANNABIS
——
Tanaka: I’ll swallow your brains whole
Nishinoya: What brains
Tanaka: Oh yeah what brains
Nishinoya: We don’t have brains
——
Bokuto: What did he say? That he’s a penis?
Kuroo: (wheezing) he said he’s a pianist
Bokuto: OH
——
Tendou: Reon, tell him that I don’t have rabies
Reon: … (turns to Semi) I think he has rabies
Tendou: Betrayal
——
Kageyama: I had an alpha fish—
Tsukishima: Alpha fish.
Kageyama: No wait I meant betta fish
——
Tanaka: My entire life is a joke
Nishinoya: It’s okay, life is a circus
——
Ukai Keishin: (taking a picture of Karasuno) Looks like a volleyball cult group 
——
(texting)
Atsumu: I’m the smartest
Osamu: No me
Atsumu: monke
Atsumu: SHIT
Atsumu: *NO ME
Osamu: ???💀
——
Tendou: I have MAD skills
Shirabu: You don’t have mad skills you’re just mad
——
Kuroo, climbing down the stairs: HYDROGEN
Kenma, turning around to look at him: Bitch what the fuck
——
Daichi: I need to go to dunkin donuts to redeem a voucher
Hinata: You need to redeem a wild teacher??
Kageyama: You need to redeem a vulture???
Daichi: VOUCHER
——
Sakusa: I think one day I’m gonna have to put you on a leash
Atsumu: (raises eyebrows)
Sakusa: NO 
——
Sugawara: No but Canadians speak French
Nishinoya: What? Really? 
Sugawara: Yeah?
Nishinoya: I thought they spoke maple leaf or something
——
Tendou: (checking receiptify) The fuck is Norwegian indie
Semi: Do you stan anyone from Norwegia?
Tendou: (wheezing) NORWEGIA???
Semi: OH FUCK
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haikyuu-tmblr · 6 months ago
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Kuroo: Can you keep a secret?  Tsukishima: Do you know anything about my life?  Kuroo: No, I don't. Good point.
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merlucide · 8 months ago
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Incorrect quote pt3
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them: oh by the way, if you speak ever speak disrespectfully again about my wife I’ll kill you
rude beatch: ...
them: sorry that sounds like a joke- I will actually kill you.
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(JJK) GOJO!!! GETO, megumi, MAKI, itadori,
(MHA) KIRISHIMA, MIDORIYA, todoroki, HAWKS,
(HQ) ATSUMU, OSAMU, SUNA TENDOU, sugawara, TSUKISHIMA, OIKAWA, iwaizumi, SAKUSA, kuroo, kageyama, bokuto
(BLLK) SHIDOU, ISAGI, BACHIRA, CHIGIRI, RIN, KUNIGAMI, KARASU, HIORI, NESS
(KNY) RENGOKU
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delulu is the solulu 🤭
made March 18th 2024
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tendou-satori-chocolatier · 3 months ago
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Kuroo: the time to act is now
Bokuto: wink, wink.
Kuroo: don't say "wink wink". just wink.
Bokuto: oh, sorry
Bokuto: wink.
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incorrectkuroken · 3 months ago
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Kuroo, flirtatiously: Oh no, look at that, I don't have enough money to pay rent! Kenma, smirking and putting his hand on Kuroo's thigh: I'm sure we can come up with some kind of arrangement. Yaku: This is the LAST TIME I play monopoly with you guys.
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